Still not Christmassy

Well, its Christmas Eve.  I am sitting here looking at the presents under our tree and still not feeling like I should.  Tradition says I should be at my Grandpa Leo's house opening gifts and visiting with cousin that i see twice a year and thats about it. HAHA I don't like breaking tradition and that is what is happening.  It makes me mad, sad, depressed.  Hopefully tomorrow, Christmas, will be better.   

Where Are You Christmas?

So, today I was sitting in my room watching the Grand Ole Opry and i realized something, I am not in the Christmas Spirit AT ALL!!!  I don't know what it is.  My friend Josh told me something very interesting. He said that i have made Christmas "a job" and i think he is SPOT ON!  Every year i try and make everyone happy and make it "the most wonderful time of the year" and this year I just DON'T FEEL LIKE TRYING ANYMORE!!!  Is it because of family issues?  Is it school?  Is it friends?  

Family....ugh...i don't even like talking about it. The subject of family recently has just made me realize that my family is just as screwed up as everyone else's, if not worse.   I know i shouldn't say that, but its what i feel....should i feel that way?  Being around them feels like a big joke! Like everyone's emotions are a "mask" they put on for the day just so they can stand being around family.  Ugh........i just don't know........I just really feel not ready for the holidays yet, like it needs to be later.    

Friends....another issue....i love my friends, they are my life support. HAHA Recently I just haven't been able to see any of them, except Jess (LOVE YOU!!!).   I feel like all my friends are too busy to do anything....all of them have jobs, school, boyfriends or girlfriends to hang out with, and i seem to be at the bottom of their list....I know they all care about me, but come on, i have been your friend longer than any of those excuses. 

I need to watch a movie or something so i can just CRY my feeling out....but even as i write i feel as if i can't cry a single tear...i more so could scream and tell my family to get a grip and to some specific people to GET A LIFE....i know, thats mean, but its the truth.  

Advice? Anyone?  HELP!